What does "Toxic" really mean?

This is a first in a series of posts about "Understanding Toxic Relationships". The word toxic gets thrown about a lot these days, and its important to understand what makes a relationship toxic, what to do about it, and how to avoid getting into one in the first place!

Before we can talk about toxic relationships, let's all get on the same page with what "toxic" means.

Have you ever...

• Felt off after an interaction with someone but couldn't explain why?

• Questioned if you were overreacting?

• Thought to yourself, "This is just how it is?"

Not everything uncomfortable is toxic.

But not everything "normal" is healthy either.

We all understand what the word toxic literally means. It means poisonous. When a relationship is toxic, the relationship becomes poisonous to one or both people in it.

Poison makes you sick.

In a toxic relationship, you are unsafe. Perhaps you are physically unsafe. Or perhaps you are emotionally, mentally, financially, spiritually, or even sexually unsafe.

A toxic relationship is characterized by negative patterns of behavior and communication that undermine the well-being and happiness of one or both people. It often involves manipulation, a lack of respect for boundaries, and emotional or psychological harm, creating a consistently stressful and damaging environment.

One important point is that toxicity is not a type of person.

It is a pattern of behavior that causes harm.

Another important feature is a lack of accountability. Healthy relationships have conflict, mistakes, and hurt feelings. This is completely normal. The difference is that healthy relationships work toward repair. Toxic relationships often involve repeated harm without repair.

Everyone has bad days. Everyone says the wrong thing sometimes. One difficult conversation does not make a relationship toxic.

Patterns do.

As you read through this series, I don't want you to immediately diagnose your relationship or someone else's. Relationships are complex and require discernment. Instead, use these articles as a framework to help you think more clearly about what is healthy and what isn't.